What do you do, where do you go … when you feel despair?

I got so many replies back to the post I sent out way back in April
I have edited them for conciseness (while trying to keep the original meaning) and selected (mostly) just responses to the question “what helps you?”.

And apologies for the delay – but I suspect their relevance remains.

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Staying with the pain. Accepting that this is important to feel this and not brush it to one side.
Focusing on the minutiae – village community, family, trees, lichen …
Feeling appreciation for those involved with campaigning, holding decision makers to account.
Allowing my heart to speak, to guide my actions and my interactions.
    J

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The groups I work with – full of people walking their passions and making such a difference.  Knowing just how many people are out there doing positive things. 
And I avoid most social media and most ‘news’.  I don’t think we are really meant to take in such huge amounts of information and to worry about the whole world. 
I think focusing on our little bit – our families, our communities, our gardens.

… and then I have dark days.
S

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I think making time to share our thoughts and feelings really matters. I am particularly overwhelmed when I feel isolated. So community makes all the difference.
We can’t choose the time in which we’ve been born. So I guess that living our lives in a way that makes the most sense to us, and has integrity, is the most that we can do.
S

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I don’t want to be an old lady watching the evening news with climate disasters being reported and thinking that I didn’t try to do anything at all to reduce the impact.
K

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I like and use all your ideas … except for when I forget that they work.

I see life now as a continual rollercoaster of emotion and thinking at varying levels of confusion and clarity. Repeatedly processing through the grief curve.  Community, kindness and action all help.
I resonate with wanting to live amongst people who haven’t given up (and recognising most of us feel like that from time to time – but the cloud will pass over).
A wonderful Cornish, ocean activist friend said to me ‘I’m not ready to roll over and play dead.’ I think of it and her often.
L

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Nature is my balm.  It calms the angry rash. It restores some sort of balance and replenishes and motivates me.
My friends and kids. They’re the fuel.  They’re what keep me going!
And doing whatever I can in a practical space.
I know we have to do top-down AND bottom-up.  I felt impotent with the top-down bit. Our system is so broken and so entrenched. So, I focus on what I can do.
We ran a “Rivers Assembly” a couple of weeks ago – heartening and felt as though we were really making a difference.
J

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For me, Covid lockdown impacted my motivation to fight. I’ve focused on decarbonising my own life. I’m off the gas grid now and have an EV. I’ve cut back meat and dairy. On my own micro-level, I’ve been successful.
This has bought me some peace of mind, being the only practical action I feel I can take that definitely makes a difference.
It’s cost a lot to achieve though. And few could afford to do it. And at times I think its money wasted, given my imperceptible impact.
And I’m standing for the Green Party in the local elections.
A

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Certainly meditation helps – I use Plum Village Mobile App [other Apps are available 😊 – editor].
Doing something active like planting trees or nurturing wildlife in the garden.
Walking mindfully in nature noting the birds and new spring life unfurling.
Not listening to the news. I recommend Lukas Nelson song “Turn off the news and build a garden with me” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPrPtDoaB3s

With hopefulness
L

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… a robin came and sang very close to my window and a blue tit bobbed about and fleetingly landed on my windowsill. Only one of each, but a blessing all the same. I was thankful but desperately sad at their denuded environment.
G

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I guess the biggest thing that helps me is coming back to that greater sense of who I am (of who we all are). It’s looking within and seeing the creative energy of life at play and taking form, through me.
When I notice this, it slows me down, I feel back in touch with something deeper than myself and from this space I re-engage with what is my next step.
L

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Someone forwarded my post to a group they belong to (related to XR)

My sense of loss got too much for a while and, rather than pass on that negativity, I chose to embrace my inner dormouse and have hidden away for months.
I am emerging from hibernation and am so grateful people are still holding this space of love and connection that I can step back into – there is such strength in community.
I am being careful to focus on what I am capable of doing and to step back from trying to dabble in everything.
When I compare today with 2019 (using the BBC as a barometer), awareness and understanding have grown and lots of adaptation is already underway. More is clearly needed, but I draw strength in focussing on what I can do and how I choose to see the world

… and my inner dormouse continues to roar.
S

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One thought which keeps hope alive for me is: we know a lot less than we think, we can control a lot less than we think, yet as you point out: how we think, how we live our lives day to day, hour to hour, and the values we aspire to live by (and sometimes succeed) – these things matter. Even if we are on the edge of an abyss, they still matter.
A

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Yes, we are going to be fucked. Though some of us will be more fucked than others.

BUT it is not an ‘all or nothing’ situation.

There are degrees of fuckedness. So, every tiny fraction of a degree of fuckedness we prevent … is a win.

G

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And thanks to Amanda for this selection of short quotes …

“We shan’t save all we would like to, but we shall save a great deal more than if we had never tried.” Peter Scott

“From each according to their ability, to each according to their needs” Karl Marx

“I have no optimism at all, zero optimism. But I have hope. Hope is something you choose.” Yanis Varoufakis

“Hope is not a lottery ticket you can sit on the sofa and clutch, feeling lucky. It is an axe you break down doors with, in an emergency.” Rebecca Solnit, Hope in the Dark

“To hope is to give yourself to the future – and that commitment to the future is what makes the present inhabitable.” Rebecca Solnit, Hope in the Dark

“Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good, put together, that overwhelm the world.” Desmond Tutu

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The Mushroom Effect

And finally one more from me that helps me – and that I like to share sometimes …

We often see mushrooms growing on trees or dead branches. But what we are seeing is only the small fruiting body, of a much, much larger, hidden life force or mycelium – growing and spread throughout the tree.

The people and projects that we hear about are like those mushrooms – just the small, visible part of a much larger and growing mycelium of ideas, initiatives and determination – spread across the world.

Recently, a friend, who I hadn’t seen for a while and who had been a member of Extinction Rebellion, told me he was disillusioned about trying to do anything about the climate crisis anymore. We talked and he shared some negative scientific articles he’d recently read about food and population.

I’d been feeling quote low, and this conversation tipped me over into hopelessness.

I had no answers. I felt like I’d fallen into a deep hole.

So how do we stay positive? How do we stay inspired to not give up? How do we stay hopeful?

This is a post loosely about “hope”. There may be more to follow. Hope in the context of the climate and ecological crises and the future. “Hope” might not be the right word. In fact I know it’s not. But it’s a place to start.

What brings me hope – what keeps me engaged

Here are some things that have, at different times, worked for me.

• Nature – the latest, miracle drug
  This works pretty much every time (although sometimes only when I’m out there). And even 5 minutes can make a difference. And it doesn’t have to be grand scale nature.

• Being with others
  Being with other people who are concerned and engaged. I belong to our village’s Extinction Rebellion (XR) group and our local, active sustainability group.
  A few days ago a fellow XR member told me (perhaps apologetically) that they had no time or energy to get involved. But then they added “but I’m still really concerned” … hearing that really lifted my spirits. Go figure.

• Being engaged – actually doing something
  Even when it’s small and especially when it’s with others. Joining my local XR group; learning about Citizens Assemblies (in preparation for a talk); going on a protest; clicking ‘send’ on this post.
• Throwing my cap over the wall
  When I have a “good” idea, I try to tell at least one other person. Then “my cap” is on the other side of “the wall” – and I have to climb the wall to retrieve it – I’m encouraged to do it.
  
  It happened with this post. The idea sat in my head for months (I’m too embarrassed to tell you it’s actually been over a year!) I regularly returned to it, struggled, did nothing and felt bad. Finally, I told a group of friends … and here it is.

• Zooming out
  I start by picturing me and my “small” world …
  … I then zoom out … and I see my village, my community …
  … and I zoom out … and I see Devon …
  … and I zoom out … and I see the UK and then Europe …
  … and I zoom out … and I see our planet …
  … and I zoom out … and I see our solar system …
  … and I zoom out … and I see our galaxy …
  … and I zoom out … and I see the universe …

…and, usually, at some point in this process, a calmness comes over me – my thoughts, concerns and anxieties disappear. I shift into a different perspective – one that is far bigger than me and even all of humanity. I become blissfully insignificant.

I recently heard someone else describing how, when feeling depressed about the state of our planet, uses the same process. He summed it up succinctly … “we’re not going to fuck up the universe!” He looked genuinely relieved. I get it …    … sometimes.

So back to my conversation with my disillusioned friend …

On that occasion no amount of positive news or thoughts helped and none of these strategies felt like they’d make any difference.

It took me until the next day before I (re)discovered my answer – not for him, but for myself.

And it’s the answer that, when all else fails, I return to.

“How do I want to live my life, and what would I want to be able to tell my grandchildren I did or tried to do? Even when things feel hopeless.”

I want to live amongst people who haven’t given up. People who, despite the odds, challenges or impossibilities, are trying.

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I’d love to hear what’s worked for you.
Send what works and what doesn’t to massimo@itsorted.org.uk
And if I get enough responses, maybe I’ll share some next time.

And (on a lighter note) remember …

Image Credit to Rose Rigden and thewildside.co.nz

The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

Wendell Berry
https://www.scottishpoetrylibrary.org.uk/poem/peace-wild-things-0/

 

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Do your little bit of good

Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world

Desmond Tutu

 

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You have been telling people that this is the Eleventh Hour, now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour. And there are things to be considered…

Where are you living?
What are you doing?
What are your relationships?
Are you in right relation?
Where is your water?

Know your garden.

It is time to speak your truth.

Create your community.

Be good to each other.

And do not look outside yourself for your leader.

Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said, “This could be a good time! There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are being torn apart and will suffer greatly. Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above the water.

And I say, see who is in there with you and celebrate. At this time in history, we are to take nothing personally, least of all ourselves. For the moment that we do, our spiritual growth and journey come to a halt.

The time of the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word ’struggle’ from your attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.

We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Hopi Elders’ Prophecy

 

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Back in April I was visiting my parents in Kent. From there, I was planning (with some apprehension) to go to London to join the Extinction Rebellion demonstrations.
As I have shared in a previous blog, I was determined to speak with anyone I could about my plan and my hopes and fears.

This is some of what happened …

 

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My Mum and Dad were first.

Now, I’ve known them for most of my life (of course) and I knew what they’d say. Things like “why on earth are you doing this!?” or “you’re not thinking of getting arrested are you!?”.

However, … to my great surprise … they were both totally up for it!
In fact, my mother immediately launched into remembering the time she had demonstrated against the closure of a local hospital and stood outside with the other demonstrators. I’d never known!

 

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I spent the next day with some old friends from school. They meet regularly, but I had drifted away and only recently re-joined them.
Usually a space for remembering old times and having fun and a laugh together, I rather tentatively raised the issue of the climate and the environment. I asked how they felt.

They all expressed concern … but what to do, who should do it and whether anything would make any difference was unclear.
I shared how I felt and that I was planning to be part of the demonstrations.

I can be quite naïve in my ideas and hopes and I consider most of them to be more politically aware, informed and knowledgeable than I am. As we talked, they said things like:

“I don’t see there’s much we can do as individuals”
“It’s precisely the government’s job to handle this sort of thing”
“Stopping traffic in London will only turn the public against you”
“The government already has processes for this sort of thing – select committees, with experts.”
and “It’s so far gone, I don’t think anything can be done”

I found myself feeling more and more separate, isolated, uninformed and misguided. I began to doubt my ideas and hopes. So many of the things they said made sense. I began to get angry and frustrated and noticed how I was making them wrong and separating myself.

I left, feeling that bringing up the subject had achieved absolutely nothing.

Two days later I was on Waterloo bridge (a separate story). Four days later I was back home in Devon.

 

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Then, a couple of weeks later, I received an unexpected email from one of them …

“Interestingly and perhaps surprisingly, our discussions have really got me thinking.

I went up to London earlier this week to see what was happening and whilst, to be honest, my initial reaction was that most of the people I saw were the usual suspects, whose motives I suspect are not always pure or straightforward (stop the city type anti-capitalists, lefty lecturers, new-agers), there was a calm and jovial atmosphere and it was nice to be able to walk down the middle of Park Lane with no traffic in sight.

I had thought that the demo was the wrong way to go about things. However, it really has got people talking about the issues. So perhaps I was wrong.

I expect that I shall remain more of an eco worrier than an eco warrior but I hope something good comes out of this movement.”

A few days later I got a second email from one of the others …

“I think I owe you an apology; it seems to me that the Extinction Rebellion protests have had some sort of impact.
Lots of media focus on wider Environmental concerns and the Labour Party discussing a carbon neutral policy aiming for 2045. Also bans on fossil fuel cars being sold after 2030.
Next step is to keep up the pressure and maintain the energy to keep the issues in the public eye!”

 

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I take three things from this:

1. It IS important, for me, to have these conversations, wherever possible.
2. To try to not assume where people are at, what they might think, or what effect the conversation might have. In fact, to detach myself from any outcome at all would be great!
3. To watch for making people wrong and separating myself from others

 

Finally, while my intention for this blog is to share my journey rather than my opinions … I’m going to allow myself one …

If we’re going to make enough of a difference, we have to do it together – no blame, no making people wrong, no separation.

It is “separation” that has played such a large part in where we are now.

Separation from nature. Separation from each other – in our families, in our communities, in our beliefs.

Separation through technology and social media – from face-to-face interactions – which in turn (I believe) has fed some of the polarisation we are experiencing. So, we end up seeing mostly our differences … rather than the things we have in common and the things we agree on.

 

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Well, not quite finally – as I read this back, I realise that I’m still doing “that stuff” …

In my head is “I brought up the conversation, I went on the demonstration” …

which, loosely translated, means “I’m good/right” …

which in turn implies “they or you aren’t” …

sigh …

… looks like a long way before enlightenment for me [wink/grin]